Miss Independent
by XFoxMuldersGirlX
Summary: Hannibal muses on Clarice's life. Based on the book ending of "Hannibal" and not the film version of events. M rating just to be safe.


Disclaimer: I own nothing :0( (only what happens to be in my imagination) All characters belong to Thomas Harris. The song belongs to Kelly Clarkson.

Miss Independent

Out of our many hours of conversations together I finally have a real picture of her, a true representation. From the fractured shards of sentences and words of our early conversations to her fireside warmed memories of our later years. From all that, I have this to say of her:

She was always "Miss independent", "Miss Self-sufficient". She claimed that having a father who was the local sheriff, helped in these matters. She was taught from an early age to think for herself , be able to look after herself and others and that to be able to stand on her own to feet would be something she could depend on for the rest of her life. As a young child she could never understand why the other children where not allowed to play with her…She always blamed the father that got took away too soon - he was both a blessing and a curse in her youthful eyes. He protected her but she guessed the reason the local children didn't like her was also because of who her father was. The sheriff. He was always watching and waiting to tell parents… The children didn't like him so in turn they didn't like her. She found it hurtful to be so young and to be ignored. She got shipped to stay with an Uncle living in Montana shortly after the death of her father when she was ten. After running away from him briefly, the Uncle sent her to stay in an orphanage for a time. It was while she was in the orphanage that she turned fifteen and she developed curves in all the right places… she was no longer being ignored as she had done previously… she was being noticed.

The local Montana mothers called her "Miss keep your distance" She was "trouble", so they said. Always "riding around with boys in cars" and getting up to "God knows what with God knows who…" She knew the rumours well. She encouraged them, subtly of course, it would never do for the sheriffs only daughter to be so blatantly promiscuous. The "God knows who" were usually the captains of the local schools' football or basketball teams, although there were never as many as the jealous girlfriends and/or suspicious mothers made out that there were. Obviously, athletic, tall and good looking but they were never particularly clever, none of them a match for her smarts. As for the "God knows what"… I'm sure you don't need a picture drawing to understand what goes on in the backseats of pickup trucks. The reason she did what she did wasn't because she wanted the sordid little meet ups, she didn't like the sex, it made her feel dirty and cheap, and it wasn't even that good, no matter who she was with… She did it for the attention, the feeling of being cared for…of being loved. The boy she was with loved her while she was underneath him, while she was giving him the best of her. He loved her for the moment at least. Not that she wasn't loved, she had been… when she was younger. Her father had thought the world of her and had loved her unconditionally. He had been the best father she could have wanted but for the fact she had always wanted more time from him than he could give her. He would spend all the spare time he had with her and she appreciated every moment as she knew just how hard he worked but she couldn't help but always wish for just a little bit more than she got. But not now, now she had no one but herself.

When she got into the FBI she was then "Miss unafraid" and "Miss out of my way". She had ambitions and dreams and knew what she had to do to achieve them. Her determination to succeed made her unpopular for the second time in her life, she was the butt of all the jokes. Not that she cared. She had learned years ago to ignore what people so cruelly whispered. She knew that if she wanted to be giving orders to the people who talked about her behind her back, instead of receiving them, she would do better to study hard and pass her exams with distinctions than to listen to what was being said.

"Miss don't let a man interfere" didn't let men interfere. Once or twice she broke that self made rule, but never more than once or twice. Men found her attractive. She was more handsome than traditionally pretty and the boys in her classes liked her. They found out in due course that they liked her more than she liked them. Her interest lay in working hard and getting her qualifications, rather than getting laid. She was "Miss on her own" most of the time. This picture I am painting of her is rather bleak isn't it? All black, white and grey, no hint of colour, but she too was colourful at times. She had her friends, by her own admissions, she didn't have many, but friends she did have. They went out to bars and drank and danced and talked about girlie things and did girlie things but being sociable was not was of her strengths, being around people made her a little nervous especially in the early days, so because of that, she preferred her own company...most of the time. When I first met her, "Miss almost grown" was still little more than a child. No more than twenty five. Fresh and vulnerable, despite a demeanour that she desperately wanted to portray was anything but. But she couldn't fool me, even when she tried promising me holidays on "Anthrax Island". "Miss never let a man help her off her throne" asked no one but myself for help. Never wanting to be seen as a weak Agent to the others at the FBI who didn't think she could solve the case I was brought in for. She never wanted to be "just a girl who can't solve a case". It was her first case. And she did solve it. She proved all her doubters wrong…

So, by keeping her heart protected, she'd never ever feel rejected "Little miss apprehensive" said ooh, she fell in love.

Once I was told what she remembered thinking to herself when she realised the changes to her head that her heart was making. _"What is this feelin' takin' over? Thinkin' no one could open the door. Surprise...It's time, to feel what's real. "What happened to Miss Independent?" No longer need to be defensive. Goodbye, old you, When love is true" _During her time with the FBI she had been for the longest time "Miss guarded heart", never letting anyone get close, for fear of their own safety never mind her own, always aware of the pressures and dangers of the job and it's potential effect on any personal relationship that she were to have. That train of thought was always brought to her professional life too. No titbits of personal information shared equals no chance of clouded judgement… or so she thought. Stay distant and stay safe. Then she was chosen to interview me about my knowledge on serial killers and their behaviour patterns. She was told to be "Miss play it smart". She was warned to not share any personal details with me, told that I would use them against her. She didn't listen to them. She bared her soul, about her father, about her lambs, about her life and in return I gave her what she wanted. It was because of all this and her treatment by the FBI about the wreckage that was the fish market drug raid that caused her to start drinking heavier than she ever used to. It was, at first, in the local bars, but quickly she turned into "Miss if you want to use that line you better not start". Being hit on by drunken, drooling solicitors and bankers and regular city high flyers, did not sit well with her. All she wanted was peace and quiet and to be on her own with her glass of cheap whiskey. After several weeks of putting up with drunken slurs of "hey pretty girl…my place or yours?" it was decided that it would be a better idea to do her drinking in the solitude of her own living room, especially if it meant that she didn't have to pull her gun on the very deserving but unsuspecting locals or break anymore arms that had stubbornly refused to take the hint about removing their subsequently attached hands from her thighs.

But she miscalculated, she didn't want to end up jaded and this miss decided not to miss out on true love. So, by changing her misconceptions, she went in a new direction and found inside she felt a connection. She fell in love. By the "normal" definition of the word "love" may not be what we have. Our relationship may not be conventional, accepted or even understood, but it is what we have. It is love. It is true that she resisted at first, but eventually she needed no persuading. I no longer needed to use methods other than my charms to keep her by my side. We don't draw too much attention to ourselves, unless we are occasionally, purposely, being flash, proving a rare point, as it would be deadly, for the poor bastard, who were to say "Hey, aren't you…?" Although, if there a_re_ people who do recognise us, and I'm sure that there are, then they are all smart enough to stay silent about it. They value their lives more than the others who don't think to "Miss Independent" walked away, no time for love that came her way, she looked in the mirror and thought today _"What happened to "Miss no longer afraid"?". _It took some time for her to see how beautiful love could truly be. No more talk of _"Why can't that be me?". _I'm so glad I finally see… "Miss Independent".

The End


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